So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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