Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
