I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
