if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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