booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
