THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
