hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
