so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
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nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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