We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
