I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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