omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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