I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
