Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize