I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
