I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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