Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
