I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
