i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize