Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
