GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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