Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize