I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need a hoe opinion
go on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
