Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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