what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How naked do you want me to be?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
