So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I die, sorry about rent.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
