I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you