oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.