he shaved USA in his pubs
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
