She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You made out with two different species that night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
