so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
