allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
