why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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