No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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