So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
