I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize