Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
