omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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