dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
