He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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