I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
