He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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