he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
