I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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