wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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