I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
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