I just saw a hot homeless man
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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