I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
