That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
