Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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