i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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