Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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