You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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