Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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