Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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