Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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