I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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