the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
