Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
