Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
