This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
