not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
