The best revenge is premature balding
She just used a chaser for red wine.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
